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The Poetry Place

Abi's card

Tuesday, 9 February 2010 12:35:49

Tuesday, 9 February 2010 12:35:49
So this is where it will rest. For the time being, anyway.

Abi's card

Lying on the window sill

Unloved unwanted disregarded

Somehow it got left behind

And Abi never got her card

 

Though Abi's name is clearly written

And the writing’s round and plain

(Friend, acquaintance, classmate?)

The ball-penned words were penned in vain

 

So the cleaners dust around it

The edge a little coffee stained

No one likes to throw it in the bin

So on the window sill it still remains

 

Does Abi know what she was missing?

Did she know she had a friend?

Or was it just another card

And made no difference in the end?




Abi's card

Wednesday, 3 February 2010 14:54:46

Wednesday, 3 February 2010 14:54:46

Lying on the window sill
Unloved unwanted disregarded
Somehow it got left behind
And Abi never got her card

Though Abi's name is clearly written
And the writing’s round and plain
(Friend, acquaintance, classmate?)
The ball-penned words were penned in vain

So the cleaners dust around it
And no one likes to throw it in the bin
The edge is a little coffee stained

On the window sill it still remains

 

Line 3 needs moving to get the ABCB scheme right:

 

So the cleaners dust around it
The edge a little coffee stained

No one likes to throw it in the bin
So on the window sill it still remains

 

I came up with these next lines all of a rush. I don’t know whether to keep them or not.

 

Does Abi know what she was missing?

Did she know she had a friend?

Or was it just another card

And made no difference in the end?

 



Abi's card

Friday, 29 January 2010 17:20:37

Friday, 29 January 2010 17:20:37
How to begin? 


Lying on the window sill
Unloved unwanted disregarded
Somehow it got left behind
And Abi never got her card

Then, I think, move the last couple of lines here and add a couple of lines, though how to end the first line I'm not yet sure -

Though Abi's name is --------
And the writing round and plain
Friend, acquaintance, classmate?
The ball-penned words were penned in vain

And the last verse still needs work -

So the cleaners dust around it
And no one likes to throw it in the bin
There's a little coffee stain
And Abi will never get her card.




Abi's card

Wednesday, 27 January 2010 09:44:00

Wednesday, 27 January 2010 09:44:00
Ball-penned words
penned in vain
a Xmas greeting that never reached its ... what?
Did Abi wonder why she hadn't heard?
Somehow it got left behind

I need to select and organise:

'Abi never got her card' is my preferred opening.

Then I need to say why. I can't see the point in this little snapshot poem of keeping the reader in suspense or confusion.

Somehow it got left behind
Lies there on the window sill
.......................... disregarded
And Abi will never get her card.

The cleaners dust around it
No one likes to throw it in the bin
There's a little coffee stain on it now
And Abi will never get her card.

The writing is round and plain
Ball penned words penned in vain

oops, there goes a rhyme. better watch out. Do I want this to have a rhyme? That wasn't my intention.


Abi's card

Tuesday, 26 January 2010 10:06:44

Tuesday, 26 January 2010 10:06:44
Thoughts and jottings...

Abi's card is disregarded - nice sound mix there I thought. 
The cleaners dust around it
Move it from sindow sill to desk
And back
Somehow it got left behind
And Abi never got her card



Abi's card

Wednesday, 20 January 2010 12:45:08

Wednesday, 20 January 2010 12:45:08
Funny how certain little things can strike you as important.  I was in a teaching room at a university the other day and saw, on the desk at the front, an envelope. It was clearly a card and it was still sealed. It simply said 'Abi' on the front and contained, I guess, a Christmas card.  It prompted me to think about Abi and her card.

Abi will not get her card
No one likes to throw it in the bin
There's a little coffee stain on it now
And a scuffed edge
The writing is round and plain
Somehow it was left behind
And now Abi's never going to get her card

... are my first notes.


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