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The Poetry Place

Open Studio

A writer's blog

Trevor Millum, Teachit poet in residenceThe aim of the blog is to try to show the process of writing. It's a bit artificial because you can't reproduce all the thoughts and crossings out that take place either metaphorically or literally.   

However, it might help to show students that poems do not spring fully-formed onto the page. 

Previous blogs are archived: see the list at the right of the page.  Quite a few have been inspired by existing poems (by Edward Thomas, Duffy, Heaney, Armitage and others) and there are also villanelles, sonnets and lots of light verse.  I enjoy this - and it keeps me writing!

Geese parked?

Sunday, 10 August 2014 14:36:16

Sunday, 10 August 2014 14:36:16

Oh dear.  This really isn’t working.  There are some OK images here and there but to really work I think it needs to link together the start and the finish.  At the moment we have a character with a harem and at the end a priest. Not entirely convincing!

 

This has to go into the ‘maybe look at some time in the future’ pile!

 

The grey brown gander  returns

with his four strong harem.

though his route is random

they follow obediently

approach the stream

tentatively.

 

  They try out the river bank  

with   beak and webbed foot

before slithering in

gracelessly.

 

Each regains its dignity

Nose about in weed and reed

Unhurriedly.

 

And then decide the grass is greener.

With a flap of wings, a flick of tail

They flounder onto land

Shuffle wing and tail feathers

Back into shape

Like priests readjusting vestments

Before rejoining the flock



Geese Observed

Tuesday, 5 August 2014 04:41:28

Tuesday, 5 August 2014 04:41:28

I've still not quite got the tone right - but getting there slowly...

The grey brown gander's back returns

with his four strong harem.

though his route is random

they follow obediently

approach the stream

tentatively.

 

trying They try out the river bank  

with webbed foot and beak and webbed foot

before slithering in

gracelessly.

 

Each regains its dignity

Nose about in weed and reed

Unhurriedly.

 

They each regain their dignity and nose (or beak) about

parting weed and reed

unhurriedly.

 

And then decide the grass is greener.

With a flap of wings, a flick of tail

They flounder onto land

Shuffle wing and tail feathers

Back into shape

Like priests readjusting vestments

Before rejoining the flock

 

Later, when they decide the grass is greener

They need a flap of wings, a flick of tail

For extra lift

Then they shuffle feathers, wings, tail

Back into shape

Like a priest readjusting vestments

Before rejoining the flock



Geese observed

Sunday, 27 July 2014 14:54:34

Sunday, 27 July 2014 14:54:34

Not sure about the adverbs.  Do they work?

 

The grey brown gander's back

with his four strong harem.

though his route is random

they follow

obediently

approach the stream

tentatively

trying out the river bank  

with webbed foot and beak

before slithering in

gracelessly.

 

They each regain their dignity and nose (or beak) about

parting weed and reed

unhurriedly.

 

Later, when they decide dry land is better the grass is greener

They need a flap of wings, a flick of tail

For extra lift

Then they shuffle feathers, wings, tail

Back into shape

Like a priest readjusting vestments

Before rejoining And rejoin the flock



Geese observed

Tuesday, 15 July 2014 16:41:09

Tuesday, 15 July 2014 16:41:09

The grey brown gander's back

with his four strong harem.

though his route is random

they follow as if he knows the way obediently

 

even so, they approach the stream

tentatively

trying out the land river bank  

with webbed foot and beak

and then a slither in before slithering in

 

regain their dignity and nose (or beak) about

parting weed and reed unhurriedly.

 

Later, when they decide dry land is better

They need a flap of wings, a flick of tail

For extra lift

Then they shuffle feathers, wings, tail

Back into shape

Like a priest readjusting vestments

And rejoin the flock



Geese observed

Friday, 11 July 2014 14:37:54

Friday, 11 July 2014 14:37:54

Readjustments in progress:

grey brown gander returns

The grey brown gander's back

with his four strong harem.

though his route is random

they follow as if he knows the way

and this time they approach the stream

tentatively

trying out the land with webbed foot and beak

webbed foot and beak first

and then a slither in

regain their dignity and nose (or beak) about

parting weed and reed unhurriedly.

  • Not happy with the last three lines



geese observed

Wednesday, 9 July 2014 10:54:59

Wednesday, 9 July 2014 10:54:59

Notes from a river bank...

grey brown gander returns

with his four strong harem

and this time they approach the stream

tentaively

webbed foot and beak first

and then a slither in

regain their dignity and nose (or beak) about

parting weed and reed unhurriedly.

and when they need to gain the bank again

a flap of wings, a flick of tail

just gives that extra lift you need.

they shuffle feathers, wings, tail, back into shape

like a priest readjusting vestments

and rejoin the flock.



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