The Poetry Place

Open Studio

A writer's blog

Trevor Millum, Teachit poet in residenceThe aim of the blog is to try to show the process of writing. It's a bit artificial because you can't reproduce all the thoughts and crossings out that take place either metaphorically or literally.   

However, it might help to show students that poems do not spring fully-formed onto the page. 

Previous blogs are archived: see the list at the right of the page.  Quite a few have been inspired by existing poems (by Edward Thomas, Duffy, Heaney, Armitage and others) and there are also villanelles, sonnets and lots of light verse.  I enjoy this - and it keeps me writing!  Any comments welcome.

 

Valentine - not an onion

Wednesday, 3 February 2016 15:29:27

Wednesday, 3 February 2016 15:29:27

I have changed the ending completely. The speaker is very much in control. There is something of that in every gift-giving: a certain kind of power.


Not a red rose or a satin heart

Or an onion

I give you a shoe
It is a cave awaiting a dweller
It promises support
like the arms of a mother

Here
It will hold you
Like a lover
It will move with you
Wherever you go.

Not a cute card or a kissagram
I give you a shoe
Its tight laces will remind you
Of close embraces

Take it
See how it fits
The soft leather holding you like a hand
But with restraint

Watch
You will want its partner
Perhaps I have that too

Will you wait
Or will you ask?



Not an onion

Tuesday, 2 February 2016 14:08:47

Tuesday, 2 February 2016 14:08:47

Still not entirely sure about the ending...

Inviting you / tempting you / Asking you...

- they all have very different connotations.

 

 



Valentine - not an onion

Thursday, 21 January 2016 14:21:45

Thursday, 21 January 2016 14:21:45

Not a red rose or a satin heart

Or an onion

I give you a shoe
It is a cave awaiting a dweller
It promises support
like the arms of a mother

Here
It will hold you
Like a lover
It will move with you
Wherever you go.

Not a cute card or a kissagram
I give you a shoe
Its tight laces will remind you
Of close embraces

Take it
See how it fits
The soft leather holding you like a hand
Inviting you to find its partner

I’ve avoided the temptation of a pun on sole / soul but I’m searching for an ending. Duffy’s ending is slightly ambiguous – a hint of something edgy perhaps.



Not an onion

Tuesday, 19 January 2016 14:59:37

Tuesday, 19 January 2016 14:59:37

The next part just flowed...

 

Not a cute card or a kissagram

I give you a shoe

Its tight laces will remind you

Of close embraces

Take it

See how it fits

The soft leather holding you like a hand

Leaving you ... wanting the other shoe?  Needing its partner?



Not an onion

Thursday, 14 January 2016 15:15:01

Thursday, 14 January 2016 15:15:01

Imagining a shoe - a comfortable one...

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you a shoe

It is a cave awaiting a dweller

It promises support

like the arms of a mother / father?

Here

It will hold you

Like a lover

It will move with you

Wherever you go.

 



Not an onion

Tuesday, 12 January 2016 17:25:03

Tuesday, 12 January 2016 17:25:03

I think we have been here before, but it is such a satisfying poem to adapt.  I mean, of course, Carol Ann Duffy's 'Valentine'. It begins

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.  

(You can look up the rest.)

 

So, without thinking about it at all, I have chosen...a shoe.

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you a shoe

It is a cave awaiting a dweller

It promises support

like the ................     

OK? It's a start. I should have it done by February 14th!



New Year, new what...?

Sunday, 10 January 2016 16:40:40

Sunday, 10 January 2016 16:40:40

Well, I feel it's time for a new parody, or rather, a homage. A poem in the style / form of...let's see....

 

 



Search:

Archived blogs

   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Parodies and homages


   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Topics and themes


   [OPEN/CLOSE]  How to...


   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Sonnets


   [OPEN/CLOSE]  Different types of poem


    Links

  • Poetry Archive
  • Poetry by Heart
  • Forward Poetry
  • British Library
  • Poetryclass
  • National Poetry Day
  • The Poetry Society
  • Foyle Young Poets of the Year Award
  • Tower Poetry
  • English Teaching Online - the one with all the poetry
  • Teachit editors' favourite poetry resources
  • Poetry Shuffle Teachit KS3 Interactive Pack