Thursday, 6 October 2011 15:23:57
World Poetry Day. Appropriate that I was up writing a parody on Ozymandias before breakfast.
Resolving the remainder of my journey poem:
unzipping her bag, she reaches in
Brings out something in brown
paper, tied with string...
Shouts and hurrying voices
Drown any conversation
But she hands the package to him
With a sense of the occasion -
which seems, to the outsider,
to bemuse him. Then his smile
returns. The parcel will
tantalise across the miles.
I thought that a three line verse was OK. (Oh, the decisions!) Adds to the sense of things hurrying up.
Cut the reference to hiding the package.
Added/changed the articles in penultimate verse several times. May change again.
The last verse was always going to be a problem. There isn't space/time to tell a whole story and if I put in a quick resolution it will spoil the mystery of the parting. So I leave it to the reader to decide who is leaving and what is in the parcel. Is that a cop-out?