There's a little round robin
and a really round wren.
The wren is rounder than the robin
but the robin's redder than the wren!

Some say the robin is a sweeter tweeter
but the wren's the doyen of song.
She's a round yo-yo of feathers;
she's a little bomb of sound!

The blackbird is a handsome fellow
And his song is pretty good.
The thrush can sing a mellow ditty
When she's in a skittish mood.

In the last verse I wanted to return to the robin and the wren to give the poem a sense of completion - of roundness even.  I struggled with bettered and wondered if it should be beaten. Happy with cocky, because it reminds us of cock-robin and the robin is a cocky little bird. Still hovering over wily, though. The wren is much more shy - but does wily give the right impression? I really do want to have that alliteration!

But the little round robin
And the even rounder wren
Sing a song that cant be bettered:
Cocky robin, wily wren.

 

I've spent some time looking at the birds in the garden...  We have a visiting pheasant who's very fine!   But still trying to decide how to finish this little poem.  Sometimes things just have to be left for a while.

I've altered the first verse a little bit and put in some punctuation. The third verse is fairly straightforward and is the first to have a end-line rhyme. Otherwise I like the way the rhymes and part-rhymes are scattered through the poem a bit like birds around the garden.

There's a little round robin
and a really round wren.
The wren is rounder than the robin
but the robin's redder than the wren!

Some say the robin is a sweeter tweeter
but the wren's the doyen of song.
She's a round yo-yo of feathers;
she's a little bomb of sound!

The blackbird is a handsome fellow
And his song is pretty good.
The thrush can sing a mellow ditty
When she's in a skittish mood.

Now I just need a way to finish it off!

There's a little round robin
and a little round wren
the wren is rounder than the robin
but the robin's redder than the wren

some say the robin is a sweeter tweeter
but the wren's the doyen of song
she's a round yo-yo of feathers
she's a little bomb of sound

You can see I've been messing around with little alterations. It's sound and rhythm I'm trying to get right - well, not 'right' but pleasing to my ear, at least.

I'd like an extra syllable in the first 2 lines. And I'm not sure about yo-yo. Our wren hops up and down a lot but perhaps not qute like a yo-yo. A yo-yo has the roundness I want, that's why it occurred to me.  Sometimes you end up compromising...

 

Unfortunately it's been raining and the wren is hiding. No opportunity to wander round the garden either. Nevertheless, some words have been bouncing around:

some say the robin is a sweeter tweeter
but the wren is the doyen of sound/song
the round ....something...  of feathers
like a little bomb of song / notes / sound

Perhaps doyen is too grown up for this age group. Perhaps the odd ununusal word is OK. Playing around with the sounds and swapping words about - I could do with some fridge magnets. No, REAL ones!

I've been asked to send some poems for possible inclusion in an anthology to be called 'Wild' - a collection for 7-11 year olds. I've sent some already, mainly from my Stegosaurus is for Life collection, but I have some half thought through ideas and it seems that this is the place to share them - even if the audience is younger than the students most of the readers might be teaching.  Asking students to write for that audience often has surprisingly creative outcomes, though.

I want to write about wild creatures which are close to me physically and also ones I have great affection for - i.e. birds in our garden. The two I have in mind at the moment are the robin and the wren. Their song is always charming - the wren in particular.  How to get that across?  I also want to play with sound myself...

There's a little round robin and a little round wren

is how I began - and that went round n my head as I was driving, and trying to go to sleep (though not at the same time) until a bit of a tongue twister came to me:

The wren is rounder than the robin
But the robin's redder than the wren

I feel it's a nice, quirky start. But ideas for continuing are in a big round muddle!